Author Jacqui Letran shares the story of her and her family narrowly escaping Vietnam amidst gunfire and then running out of drinking water while adrift at sea in their escape boat. She also talks about her struggle between living a traditional culture at home while trying to assimilate to American life as a teenager. And then getting pregnant at 16 complicated things. But holding her baby in her arms was the pivotal moment in her life that changed everything. Today, Jacqui is a Mindset Mentor, podcaster, professional speaker and award-winning author. She helps others improve their mindset through her books and podcast, Stop The Bully Within.
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If you prefer to read, here’s a transcript of the interview!
Jacqui: 00:01 So day four or five, we ran out of water completely, we’d run out of drinking water and so, you know, they had to ration water for families and each family got like a tablespoon full of water for however many people in your family to three times a day. We had four people, right? And four of us were trying to, you know, share this tiny little spoon of water and my little sister, she was five at the time. She had a major seizure because of that. And at that point was when we first realized, Oh crap, this is not just a big adventure, you know, we can die.
Kathy: 00:48 Hello and welcome to The Inspire Cafe Podcast where we bring you conversations and inspirational stories of people overcoming adversity and then how they came out of it transformed with a positive outlook or outcome. People are incredibly resilient and we need to hear more of their stories. This is Kathy De La Torre. Today we’re with author Jacqui Letran. She shares the story of her and her family narrowly escaping Vietnam amidst gunfire, and then running out of drinking water while adrift at Sea. She also talks about her struggle between living a traditional culture at home while trying to assimilate to American life as a teenager and then
Kathy: 01:31 getting pregnant at 16. Just complicated things, but holding her baby in her arms was the pivotal moment in her life that changed everything. Today, Jacqui is a mindset mentor, podcaster, professional speaker, and award winning author. She helps others improve their mindset through her books and podcast, Stop the Bully Within. We’ll have links to Jacqui’s website, books and podcast as well as a transcript of this interview at TheInspireCafe.com. Okay. Let’s get to Jacqui story.
Kathy: 02:06 We’re here with Jacqui Letran, a fellow podcaster. I’m so proud to have you here on the show. Jacqui, thank you so much for joining us. Thank you so much for having me. It’s going to be a lot of fun. It is. Okay, so you are co-host of the podcast, Stop the Bully Within, and you’re also the founder of Healed Mind. You’re a mindset mentor, speaker. The list goes on, but I also want to stress and include that you’re an award winning author and first of all, congratulations on all the awards that you’ve been receiving for your books, and of course you’re also the proud mother or to a handsome young man. I can’t gloss over that. That’s an important part of your life.
Jacqui: 02:47 That is probably my most important part of my life. My very handsome, very smart, and just the most amazing person. Uh, my son.
Kathy: 02:58 We’ll talk a little bit more about him later, but I want to get back to what you do right now. Can you first of all, explain what is a mindset mentor?
Jacqui: 03:09 Definitely. So what I do is help people to overcome their emotional burden. A lot of the clients who come to me, they have some trauma from their past. And when I say trauma, some of them are very significant, big traumas and some of them you might think that’s not a big deal, but in that moment to that person, it was very traumatic and very painful. And any time you experience a traumatic event like that, your subconscious mind will create a lot of beliefs surrounding that and then for the rest of your life, it kind of play around in the background of your mind is always there and it affects how you think, how you act, how you feel.
Jacqui: 03:47 And so what I do with clients is I help them to identify where some of these negative beliefs come from, some of these limiting beliefs so that I can help them to overcome it so they can move forward.
Kathy: 03:59 I understand that you’ve helped thousands of clients and that your focus is geared towards young adults and teenagers. Is that right?
Jacqui: 04:10 I have two practices. On one side is all, you know, young adults and teen based. And then I have another practice that is for all ages, from 10 up, so it can be from 10 to whatever age. Um, both practices are going really well. I will say the majority of my clients are actually in the older adult age. I would love to get more teens in my practice.
Kathy: 04:35 Oh really? So what would you say is the average age of that practice? The older group?
Jacqui: 04:42 Probably mid forties and up. So between maybe 45 and 60 or the bulk of my clients.
Kathy: 04:50 Excellent. Okay. I did not know that. Really glad that you clarified that. Now getting to your books, I’m just curious why focus on the teen aspect because of course I know you’ve heard this many, many times that these books are relevant to all ages, not just the younger crowd. So when you wrote the books, what inspired you for that kind of group?
Jacqui: 05:13 So my heart and passion has always been with the teens. I started my career as a nurse practitioner and my whole career as a nurse practitioner was geared primarily toward teenagers. When I became a mindset mentor, I thought it was done with the teens. I’m like, you know what, I spent most of my life working with and for teens. I’m kind of done. And so I started my adult practice.
Jacqui: 05:36 Well, little did I know I wasn’t done, but um, my heart and passion has always surrounded teens and teens don’t have a lot of resources. If you go into a bookstore and you look up self help section, there are tons and tons of adult books. There are tons and tons of books for parenting, you know, younger kids, but there are not lot of books for teenagers. So even though the content in the books apply to you, any age group, I wanted something specific for the teenagers. I wanted the examples in my book to be highly relatable and I want the teens to be able to have a resource that they can go to so that they can, you know, help themselves at such a young age so that they don’t become clients of mine when they’re older.
Kathy: 06:19 I think these books are so relevant that they should incorporate this as mandatory curriculum for students. So first of all, thank you for writing the books. We’ll talk a little bit more about them, but I wanted to kind of get back to your story. You have your own personal journey and despite that you’re successful and it appears in everything that you choose to do. It didn’t always start out that way and you’ve had your own set of challenges. In fact, uh, I think he had a story from when you immigrated from Vietnam. Can you share what was the scenario you and your family of leaving Vietnam to come to America?
Jacqui: 06:42 You know, I am so grateful. I don’t remember the majority of what happened because the parts that I do remember as scary enough, you know, so for like someone like my mother who had to deal with the whole thing, I just can’t imagine what sorts of belief system she created because of that.
Jacqui: 07:18 But we left Vietnam around, I don’t know what time at night in the dark basically. And we had to swim from the shore where we were to a small canoe that was waiting for us outside of, out in the water. And then from the canoe we had to paddle away way to the boat that we’re going to use to escape Vietnam. Oh my God. Well, the whole. Yes, right. That’s what I’m like. I’m so grateful. I don’t remember a lot.
Kathy: 07:44 Okay. So let’s just say the pace this is at night. You can’t see, right.
Jacqui: 07:48 You can’t see at all. But the thing is, you know, like this has been planned for a long time, right? And uh, we were trying to escape the communists and the communist figured out, I don’t know how or who told on us or what happened, but they knew that this escape was going to happen.
Jacqui: 08:05 So they were there waiting for us. So as we’re swimming in the dark, not seeing much of where we going, we, we’re being shot at, oh my gosh. So we’re not seeing where we’re swimming, but we can hear gunfire, we can hear people yelling and screaming out in pain. We can hear people crying and you know, trying to figure out where their loved ones are. That whole scene was like from a movie. It’s incredibly chilling. Even that I’m talking about it now. I can kind of start feeling all of that come back. It was definitely a very significant moment.
Kathy: 08:41 And you were how old at this time?
Jacqui: 08:43 I was about eight years old. So imagine this. My poor mother had me under her left arm. She had my baby sister on her shoulder and she was kind of paddling with just the right arm. And to the side of her, you know, my older brother and my older sister were swimming.
Jacqui: 09:03 Imagine this single mom with four little kids doing her absolute best to save us basically from a life of poverty, but you know, the whole process put us all in risk for even death. So I can’t even imagine what was going on in my mom’s mind.
Kathy: 09:22 Right. Was it a big group of people of swimming from ashore to these canoes?
Jacqui: 09:27 It was, it was. Okay. I think by the time we got to the big boat, there must have been 40, possibly 50 of us.
Kathy: 09:37 Wow, that is an incredible story. So all of your family was okay?
Jacqui: 09:42 Thank goodness, Yes.
Kathy: 09:43 Okay, good. Okay. So you made it to the canoe and then you paddled to a boat. And then where did your boat go?
Jacqui: 09:53 it magically got here. No, just kidding. I wish it was the case. I do want to go back. You know, it’s, it’s about mindset.
Jacqui: 10:00 This is what I do. Right. And as little kids, my brother and my sister and I, we had no idea how much danger we were really in once we got onto the boat with that, well this is such a great adventure. We didn’t, we had no clue what potential harm could come to us. So day four or five, we ran out of water completely. We ran out of drinking water. And so, you know, they had to ration water for families and each family got like a tablespoon full of water for however many people in your family, three times a day. We had four people, right? And four of us were trying to, you know, share this tiny little spoon of water. And my little sister, she was five at the time, she had a major seizure because of that, her electrolyte must have been completely off.
Jacqui: 10:55 We were all, you know, on some different levels of dehydration. And at that point was when we first realized, Oh crap, this is not just a big adventure, you know, we can die. So the mindset definitely start changing. I got a little bit more gloom and doom and there were people on the boat that freaked out and they basically jumped off the boat and they were going to try to swim back to shore as well. We’ve been out to sea for four days. You’re not going to make it back to shore. Oh yeah. So the atmosphere definitely changed significantly at that moment and then the next day, towards the end of the night we had rain. I mean it was literally, if the rain didn’t happen, the majority of us probably would have died. Oh my gosh. Yeah. It was definitely someone was up there watching over our boat for sure.
Kathy: 11:50 Right. So, I mean, it was bad enough getting shot at, it was bad enough where your mom carrying you and your little sister and having her kids swim in the dark, not knowing where you’re going and its bad enough, you know, that you got to the boat. So the saga continued. I didn’t realize that.
Jacqui: 12:09 Yes. And we lost power. So I forgot to mention that. So we lost power and run out of water. So we started drifting, drifting aimlessly. Wow. And then we got water, so we’re like, okay, so this part, you know, at least we’re not going to all die of thirst. Um, but we drifted for another few days. And then luckily I think the first ship that I haven’t talked about this forever, I’m just like trying to remember all the details.
Jacqui: 12:38 I think I haven’t talked about this for over 15, 20 years. My goodness. Wow. And I forget how much we went through until you start asking me these questions and I’ll come back of course. But I think the very first ship that that spotted as was a petroleum tanker, I don’t even know the right word for it, but basically they were carrying gas and we saw the boat. So what we did was we lit a bunch of stuff up trying to get their attention. Well this boat full of gas is not going to go near us. So it left. And of course it was like watching one of those, I dunno, like escape type movie where you’re and you’re like, you’re safe. Oh, but you’re not because they just took off. Oh Man. But they did radio for help. And um, I’m not sure if it was a cruise ship, but it to me now, thinking back, it was a cruise ship of some sort that saved us.
Kathy: 13:42 And so you got on this cruise ship and then where did you go?
Jacqui: 13:47 And then they dropped us off to some island in Indonesia, one of the smaller islands, so I don’t remember remember their name. And so from that island we basically were um, refugees. I’m trying to find the words. We were refugees and we were moved from island to island to island and eventually we got sponsored from my grandmother and my uncle who had left Vietnam in 1975. So they sponsored us to come to America. But that process from the first island to the time that we were sponsored and arrived in America, that took another probably around six months. So it was definitely a journey to get here.
Kathy: 14:27 Oh my gosh. And then it’s a brand new world for you. So how did you adapt to being in America?
Jacqui: 14:37 You know, at first it was all fun and game. Everything was new and exciting and we have so many different opportunities and things we’ve never heard of. We had food galore. We didn’t have to starve anymore. We can have whatever we wanted when we want it. So all of that was absolutely fantastic and it stayed that way for a very long time. I don’t think anything really changed for me until I hit 11. Going on 12, that’s when things kind of took a big change for me.
Kathy: 15:07 Do you think it’s because you were living in a strict household? American kids probably are not as strict as maybe families in Vietnam. What do you think?
Jacqui: 15:20 Oh, that definitely played a big part in it, you know, because looking back, there was nothing traumatizing about my life at that age group. I mean like if I looked back, we had a pretty darn good. We didn’t have everything we want it.
Jacqui: 15:33 We were still poor, but my mother did her absolute best to provide for us. So we had all of that. What we didn’t have, especially for me, I mean my, my siblings went through the same thing, but I took it to mean something different, but what I didn’t have was a sense of belonging. I didn’t feel very, you know, I didn’t feel connected to my friends because they had all of these other, um, privileges that I didn’t have. They were able to do all these things that I couldn’t do because of my strict mother. And then of course I didn’t feel like I fit in at home because my mom and a lot of my siblings at that time were very traditional and I’m like, no, I want to do this. I’ll want to do that. Right. If you’ve, if you’ve seen the Disney movie, the Kreutz, um, that, um, that cave girl.
Jacqui: 16:24 I’m like, apes, I want to try everything. I want to do everything. And everything was fascinating and exciting. Yes. But just like the movie, every time I mentioned something I wanted to do, my mom would shoot me down and just like the movie, she did that at a love and protection. Yes. But I didn’t get that. All I knew was that my mom was a controlling biatch. she was ruining my life, you know, because I couldn’t have any kind of life that I wanted because of her and at the same time, you know, the, the middle school years is hard anyway to begin with, but when your friends are outgrowing you and leaving you behind and you don’t feel like you fit in at school, you don’t feel like you fit in at home. You don’t feel like you fit in anywhere. That’s a very difficult time.
Kathy: 17:12 Yeah. I can imagine because it sounded like wasn’t that you were wanting to stay out late and go to parties and come back home after midnight and it was just that you wanted to do extracurricular activities, right?
Jacqui: 17:25 Yes. I remember I signed up for gymnastics and my mom said, yes. One of the rare time she said yes, and I was just so happy. Well, she came and picked me up on the very first day of Gymnastics practice and she saw there were boys in the gymnastic thing and immediately she took me out because my mom’s ways of thinking, if you know, if we interacted with boys, there’s a chance of as dating and dating always in her mind lead to sex immediately, and she wanted to protect us. So she saw the boys and she said, uh-uh. You’re going home and you’re going to study.
Kathy: 18:05 Oh, no. So you got one day.
Jacqui: 18:06 I got a glimpse of freedom. I got a glimpse of a taste of what it would feel like to belong to be a part of something bigger than myself, you know, to have this external family who have the same interests as me. And that of course make me want it even more. But that was taken away from me.
Kathy: 18:25 So it sounded like you were very alone at this point because you couldn’t do all the things that your friends were doing. You had to come home. You’re in strict environment. Yeah. I could see how that would take a toll on you. And interesting, you wrote or you described yourself that when you were a teenager you felt alone, insecure, that you felt inferior to others. You were angry all the time and you couldn’t see the goodness within yourself and that you were also on a self destructive path.
Kathy: 18:57 You mentioned that you’re also suffering from depression and suicidal thoughts between the ages of 14 and 16. It mean. Did you ever feel like that was something or an option for you? Suicide?
Jacqui: 19:12 You know, again, looking back at my situation, there was absolutely no reason for me to go that far, but the mind is such a powerful thing. Anything that you focus all of your attention on become bigger and bigger and become the the truth of who you are. And so at that time in my life, I focused on the lack. I didn’t have this. I didn’t have friends. I didn’t have clothes. I couldn’t wear makeup. I couldn’t date. I’m, I’m different than everybody else. I looked different. I act different. I have these different rules that I have to follow and I felt incredibly isolated and inferior like you mentioned, and I kept focusing on that.
Jacqui: 19:50 So everywhere I went I felt judged. I felt like people were looking down on me. I felt not good enough. And of course later on what I discover that is all of those feeling of being judged or being inferior, being looked on where my own judgments about myself kinda reflected outward. But yeah, you know, at that moment it felt like that was who I am, this is who I was destined to be and there was really no way around it. So there were moments where I’ve thought suicide was my option, my only option.
Kathy: 20:25 Did you ever get to the point where you actually tried something?
Jacqui: 20:29 I did. Um, but I believe even then it was more of a cry for help than an actual. I wanna kill myself because if I really wanted to kill myself, I wouldn’t take those pills in front of my mom.
Jacqui: 20:45 Oh, okay. You know, but I think I got to the point where I felt like she didn’t hear me and I was completely invisible and I needed to do something because I was hurting so much and she didn’t get it and I wanted her to get it.
Kathy: 21:03 Do you think she got it at that point?
Jacqui: 21:06 I think she got it, but again, because my situation wasn’t dire in any way. She didn’t. She got that there was something not okay, but she didn’t understand the depth of it. She thought I was just acting out that day versus this ongoing pain that I was dealing with for years.
Kathy: 21:26 I see. Yeah, I mean it sounded like you not only were internalizing your feelings, but you were lashing out. You talk about hanging out with gangs and getting into fistfights and getting in trouble. Did you ever fear like you were gonna go to Juvie, like your, some of your friends did you know?
Jacqui: 21:46 I didn’t care. I didn’t have anything to live for, so I didn’t really care. All I wanted in those moments was that sense of belonging and the fistfights. You mentioned that. The reason I started getting into a fistfights was, you know, for a long time I felt completely invisible. I felt like, again, completely inferior. No one care about me, no one even know I’m alive. And then when I got into my very first fistfight, fistfight, I did not want to get into and I was terrified. I don’t want to be in a fistfight, I don’t want to get hurt, but lucky for me, I won that fist fight. Or at least outwardly, it looked like I won that fistfight. And I remember, you know, we got suspended. Both me in May, we got suspended, but when I came back to school, something happened that I’ve never felt before.
Jacqui: 22:37 And as I was walking down the hallway, I’m Kinda like ashamed, right? I got into a fistfight, I got suspended, I’m terrible. But then people started high fiving me. They started waving at me and kept calling and calling me Rocky and all of a sudden I felt noticed. I felt appreciated. I felt like I was part of something. And so that was when in my mind, I made the connection. If I want love, if I want acknowledgement, I need to get into fistfights and so with every single fistfights that I got into, it was just this internal need of mine just to belong, just to be recognized for a moment. But the thing is, you know, even back then, that was not who I was as a person. You know, I’ve always been a very sweet, very kind person that didn’t quite act that way outwardly, but inside of always been that person.
Jacqui: 23:34 So every time I got into a fistfight, every time I picked on someone and hurt someone, part of me died even further and I got more depressed. I got more angry at myself and that’s where the suicidal thoughts came in because I wasn’t living congruent to who I was.
Kathy: 23:50 That makes a lot of sense that your actions of getting in these fistfights and winning was reinforcing the feeling that you all of a sudden could belong to something.
Jacqui: 24:01 Right. At that moment, And like many teenagers, that is like the biggest thing for them as feeling that sense of belonging. Feelings. You know, like they have a place in this world and for me I was going to do anything and everything to get that feeling, you know, if I got arrested, guess what? More people are talking about me and because they’re talking about me and they’re high fiving me and stuff like that.
Jacqui: 24:25 I thought they cared about me, that I meant something that I was cool. Right? Yes, of course. Looking back it’s always entertainment. Nothing more.
Kathy: 24:35 That’s right. Okay. So you had something really big happened to you when you were 16.
Jacqui: 24:43 Because none of the other stuff really matter yet, right? I’m just kidding.
Kathy: 24:46 Well, I seems to me that this is going on in steps. You were struggling 16 year old or a teenager going through all this stuff and so it’s sort of compounded that all of a sudden you found yourself in a new dilemma that you were trying to avoid. What happened, Jacqui?
Jacqui: 25:05 So when I was 16 I met someone who was 21 and we became sexually active and at that point in my life I knew I did not want to be pregnant because my best friend was. She had a daughter at the time and I see her struggle and I definitely did not want that, so I went to the local, um, family planning clinic to get birth control and I did that two times and I left both times because I was freaked out.
Jacqui: 25:31 I felt judged, I felt inferior. All of those negative feelings came out full force. So I took off. The third time I went for birth control. I told myself no matter how scared I am, I’m going to stay. I’m getting on birth control because I’m not getting pregnant. And back then I’m going to totally date myself now. But back then before you get on birth control, you had to get a pap smear. So I’m in the room naked from the waist down with that paper, thin drape over my legs, feet up on the stirrups, scared out of my mind. The doctor walks in, he picks up my chart, took a look at it, took the chart, walk towards me, slapped my butt with it and said, get dressed, You don’t need birth control. You’re pregnant.
Kathy: 26:16 Oh my God. So he literally slapped you.
Jacqui: 26:19 He slapped me and told me, get up, get dressed. You don’t need birth control, you’re pregnant.
Kathy: 26:25 I can’t believe that he behaved that way, first of all. And what a shocking way to learn that you’re pregnant.
Jacqui: 26:30 Right. I mean that is something that would be traumatizing. You know to, I would say 99 percent of people who are actively seeking birth control, regardless of age. Right. Right. But I was a teenager and the fear factor and all of that. There should have been a whole lot of compassion that I didn’t receive. In fact, it was borderline, maybe not malpractice. Just really bad bedside manner.
Kathy: 26:55 Yes. Okay. So what did you do? What happened next? I bet your family freaked out. Or you freaked out because you’re going to tell your family.
Jacqui: 27:06 Oh my gosh, in that moment, like the, you know, the whole world starts spinning that that whole everything freezes and move in slow motion definitely happened and I didn’t hear anything else he said, but wah-wah-wah, pregnant.
Jacqui: 27:24 Right. Okay. So I mentioned a little while ago, my best friend had a baby while she had a baby and she got kicked out of the house. She was living with me at my house, so we shared a room with me, her and her daughter, and she called my mom and my dad, mom and dad, and they’re just like sibling rivalry thing going on between us, which is really weird. She’s not my true sibling, but. So when she was there with me, when I found out I was pregnant and, and she asked me what I was going to do and I told her that Chris, the father of my baby, Chris and I are gonna talk to my parents over the weekend. So don’t tell them anything. And guess what she did?
Kathy: 28:07 Pregnant!
Jacqui: 28:07 Yes, wah-wah-wah, pregnant! She literally ran home so she could be the one to tell my parents and then she didn’t tell me about it. So when I came home, you know, thinking like, you know, I’m gonna have to act like everything was cool. Mom comes out and she started going at me. Wow. So yeah, that was, that was definitely another step plan. Whatever you call it.
Kathy: 28:35 So that was like getting to the boat or running out of water.
Jacqui: 28:42 At that moment in my life. Uh, the idea of running out of water and dying versus having my mom yell at me and screaming at me how I’m disgracing my whole family might have been a better alternative. Right. If I was totally dehydrated, l’d pass out, I wouldn’t have to deal with any of this.
Kathy: 29:00 Death is better than not showing up and facing mom. Okay. I can relate to that. I can relate to that. Yeah. I heard that she made you guys get married. Is that right?
Jacqui: 29:12 Yes. You know, even at that time in my life being so young, I knew that this is probably not the best decision for me, but in my culture, you can’t shame the whole ancestry.
Kathy: 29:24 Ancestry, not just your family.
Jacqui: 29:30 And I say that and I laugh, but it’s so true. Growing up, you know, we all, we hear about how we’re shaming the ancestry, right? Um, it’s not just like you’re hurting the family. No, no, no. You’re hurting your whole lineage. And so the thing that we were supposed to do is get married and so we did and um, I was under age and because I was under age, I wasn’t, we never got married legally. We did the paperwork, not the paperwork. I’m sorry. We did the ceremony. We had 300 people to this wedding that was not a real wedding. Basically. It was basically a horse and pony show for 300 people. And I knew probably 30 people out of that 300. It was mainly my parents and his parents, friends and family and associates all coming to witness that we are doing this. Um, appearing legally so that we’re not shaming the family.
Kathy: 30:25 Oh my gosh. What stress.
Jacqui: 30:26 Horse and pony show.
Kathy: 30:28 You must have been sweating standing at that altar.
Jacqui: 30:30 You know, there was no altar. We only did the reception because it wasn’t okay. It wasn’t legal, but it was the party that people go to, the party that people are going to talk about for forever. Right. And a party. We never did the ceremony.
Kathy: 30:48 Okay. One quick side note, just curious, how did a 16 year old hook up with a 21 year old? I was like, where is this girl hanging out?
Jacqui: 31:01 Well, a couple of things. I do have older siblings and I hung out with them, primarily them and their friends, but also in my culture it is incredibly common for younger girls to not really date because in my culture you don’t date, you just go from hello to marriage, but it’s very common to have, you know, the, the older man and a younger woman because the idea is that he’s more established and he can help her raise a family and with her being young, you know, she’s more likely to be fertile.
Jacqui: 31:36 So there’s definitely some backwards stuff happening. Even back then. And that was what, 30 years ago? Thirty years ago?
Kathy: 31:43 Yeah. Okay. So you get married and you’re with your husband and you have the baby?
Jacqui: 31:51 Yes. And having the baby, having my son is definitely the most defining moment of my life. That was the one thing that changed everything about my life because I remember, you know, up until that point, and now I have this husband, right, and I loved him then. I thought he was absolutely fantastic and all of that, but I still felt really empty inside, like I’m not good enough and I’m not deserving. And then I had my son and I remember looking at him for the very first time and it was just, it was such a miraculous moment because in that moment I felt such intense love, you know, I’ve never felt this type of love before.
Jacqui: 32:39 And in that moment looking in his eyes and holding his little finger, I just knew that everything was going to be okay. And I also knew at that time that it was up to me to change the pattern I was in; that self hatred, that poverty, you know, the self destruction. It was up to me to change all of that so I can be deserving of this little boy’s love and I can give him a life that he truly deserve.
Kathy: 33:06 And so it sounds like this was where you completely shifted from the point that your son was born, it seemed like everything changed in your life and you just went on this straight upward trajectory towards accomplishing your goals.
Jacqui: 33:25 Sort of. I would love to say from that moment on, all of a sudden live transform and it was easy and wonderful, but it was definitely not the case. You know, I continue to.
Kathy: 33:33 I can’t imagine it was easy, but you definitely were focused.
Jacqui: 33:38 Most definitely I was focused because you know a moment, okay, no, I said I had nothing to live for and now all of a sudden I have the biggest, best reason to live for this little person that I created, that I brought into this world depends on me for his survival. I’m getting choked up talking about it.
Jacqui: 33:57 But yeah, I finally realized that I have something to live for. I have goals I need to meet, I have things I want to do. And the first step then I realized, you know, was just really learning how to like myself and learning to see the good in myself. And then eventually learning to love myself because I realize my self destructive pattern continued every time I felt inferior, that destructive side of me come back out. Then I look at him and I felt love and it calms me down. So I started noticing what was happening within me, when I’m stressed out versus when I feel love. And of course the more I felt love from him, the more I opted to receive more love.
Kathy: 34:46 That’s Beautiful.
Jacqui: 34:48 He’s beautiful.
Kathy: 34:50 I saw his baby pictures. He is beautiful.
Jacqui: 34:53 He’s 29 years old and I am so incredibly proud of him.
Kathy: 34:58 Uh, well you should be. And I saw his wedding picture.
Jacqui: 34:59 Yes. That was probably one of my best day ever. Yeah.
Kathy: 35:05 You look so proud and I could see why would a beautiful son you raised.
Jacqui: 35:11 Yes. And his wife, you know, I, I couldn’t order a better bride for him.
Kathy: 35:17 Well you were a good role model. Well okay. So you didn’t stay married. Just a briefly get to the next step. Why did you decide not to stay in the relationship?
Jacqui: 35:29 You know, my son’s father, he’s a great person and to this day we’re still friends. And I would still say that he is a really great person, but his value and believe didn’t match mine. I mean like he really believed that the wife should never be smarter than the husband. Oh yeah. And I wanted to go to school. I dropped out of school when I was pregnant. I wanted to go back to school.
Jacqui: 35:54 I wanted to go as far as I can at the time when we were still together, I want it to be a doctor. And so that was not okay with him because he didn’t want to go to all that school and he didn’t want his wife to go through all that school and be smarter than him. And that was probably one of the biggest reason I lost respect for him and fell out of love for him. And because I wanted a better future for myself and for my son, the only option I had was to leave him so I can pursue that.
Kathy: 36:22 Wow. That must’ve been a very brave thing for you to do. That’s a courageous step right there. To take control and responsibility for yourself.
Jacqui: 36:33 You know, again, I’m really grateful that at that age I didn’t have enough smart to realize how big of a risk it was.
Jacqui: 36:41 All I saw was something I have to do. I didn’t see the risk and I just went after it. Looking back I’m like, wow, that’s a big step. But at that moment that was the only step.
Kathy: 36:54 Sometimes it’s better not to know what you’re getting yourself into.
Jacqui: 36:57 Yes. Yes. Just like swimming out to the canoe, not knowing that you’re going to get shot at. Yes.
Kathy: 37:03 Okay. So you, you went back to school with a vengeance and you’ve got your master’s degree by the time you were age Twenty three, right?
Jacqui: 37:11 Yes.
Kathy: 37:12 I saw a picture with you and your son and your cap cap and gown and he was so cute. So. Okay. So for a long time you were successfully working as a nurse practitioner and then you made the big transition to a new career. Why the transition? Why something completely different?
Jacqui: 37:29 So I actually had a business as a nurse practitioner before I became a mindset mentor and you know, one of my goals going through school and all of that was to create a safe space for teenagers because I didn’t have that safe space and I made a lot of really bad decisions.
Jacqui: 37:44 That for me luckily ended up being okay, but not everybody was so lucky. So I wanted to create a safe space and my very first business actually was a medical clinic for teenagers. I had an std, pregnancy prevention and mental health clinic for teenagers and I did that for about six years and I absolutely loved every single moment of it until I didn’t anymore.
Kathy: 38:09 Was that like a switch? You’re like, everything’s great and then you say, okay, I’m done. Or did it take a while to get there?
Jacqui: 38:17 It was the depression coming back and so everything was absolutely fantastic. I love what I’m doing, I’m teaching, I’m prescribing and I’m recommending therapy and I thought I was doing really, really good. And then I started seeing a trend that really bothered me and that trend was I started seeing the same patient over and over and over again.
Jacqui: 38:40 Three months later, six months later, a year, three years, five years. I’m seeing these people, these teenagers and into young adults for depression and all I’m doing is prescribing more pills and pushing pills at them. Right? And then at the same time I’m hearing them say things like, well, if I wasn’t depressed, I could do that. If I didn’t have anxiety, I could do that. Jacqui told me I have to be on these pills because I have that. And all of that weighed really heavily on me because I went into this field to help people. But what I’m noticing is that I’m giving people almost like a crutch so that they’re not their best self. They have a reason why they don’t even have to try. And that made me incredibly depressed. And at the same time I was doing a lot of self learning. I was reading every book.
Jacqui: 39:31 I can a lot of self help, a lot of personal development. And I’m understanding mindset more and more and I’m seeing all these people with all these negative mindset and I didn’t know what to do with that. And so that was when I started learning more and more about holistic options. And once I really got into the holistic options, I’m like, ah, I don’t have a choice. And again, this is my one path, right? Am I one path is to really help people take control of their lives again versus become dependent on a pill or dependent on a counselor or a therapist. I wanted people to be able to look at themselves and go, okay, this is what I want, this is what I need to do. And you know, in order for a lot of people to do that, they have to overcome the pain of their past and the stories that they’ve been telling themselves, what that painful pasts mean to them as a person.
Kathy: 40:26 So you’re getting to the root cause. So that way they don’t have to get the pills.
Jacqui: 40:31 That’s exactly it. And once you get to the root cause, you know you don’t need the pills because the symptom that you experiencing, they go away.
Kathy: 40:39 Right. And they live much happier lives, I’m sure. Let’s talk about your books. You have three published books. It’s a series, if I’m correct. Yes. And it’s geared to young adults and teenagers. And I believe your first book was re-released just recently.
Jacqui: 40:59 Yes. Yes.
Kathy: 41:01 Five simple questions to reclaim your happiness. I, I got your books and they’re all incredible. Can we talk for a moment about your books for a second?
Jacqui: 41:12 Let me know what you want to talk about and I’m right there with you.
Kathy: 41:15 Okay, great. Well, let’s talk about the one that you just re-released a five simple questions to reclaim your happiness and that book you have five questions. Number one is one of my feeling and I thought this was a great exercise and you say that when you identify the specific emotion, it becomes smaller, lighter, and much easier to let go. And you explained that most of us describe our emotions to vaguely or too broadly, and when it’s too vague or too broad, it’s overwhelming. Can you share what you mean by why that being more specific is better.
Jacqui: 41:55 So it’s that necessary too vague or too broad, but what people do to. They tend to have the goto emotions, right? So let’s say angry. Everything that happens, I’m angry, I’m angry, I’m angry. And if you keep on saying that over and over again, every time you say that, you’re basically programming your mind to accept that you are angry and its just like playing a movie. If you play the same movie over and over and over and over again, you’re going to know every single word said that movie, aren’t you?
Jacqui: 42:26 Yes. Same with if you used the same word to describe your emotions, and so what happens is that that becomes a part of your identity. That becomes who you are. I’m an angry person and then you have people tell you why are you always so angry? You’re such an angry person and that just reinforced all of that versus have you took the time to really understand what you’re feeling. One time that you call it angry and you kind of reexamine it. It might be I’m irritated, irritated and angry aren’t the same. Are they, right? I mean, and think about it. You know, like your mind. It, understand what you want based on the images that it creates from the words that you’re using. So when you say I’m angry, what comes to mind? How does that look and feel in your mind versus I’m irritated.
Kathy: 43:13 Oh, angry. It seems to me a much huger emotion or could be.
Jacqui: 43:19 True, right. Because if you’re a Goto is irritated, you’re irritated picture might look much bigger than the angry, right? But another time that you think you’re angry, you might be hurt. Now hurt and angry are different. I mean like vastly different, but if you go to your typical emotions, you’re going to just label it angry and then that again becomes who you are. So understanding what you’re truly feeling at that moment allows you to deal with that emotion right then and there versus like pack it all in into this big angry space that you’re going to have to deal with some day and that’s like, you know, 20, 40, 50, 100 different incidences versus dealing with each incidents as they come.
Kathy: 44:02 Okay. Thank you for explaining that. So it’s not necessarily being too vague, it’s just make sure that you’re using a more accurate description of what you’re feeling.
Jacqui: 44:12 Yes.
Kathy: 44:13 Okay, great. Well, I love you have four more steps in that book and all of them are great exercises by when it had jumped to your second book, I would, but my damn mind won’t let me a teen’s guide to controlling their thoughts and feelings. You wrote something that that was a great way to describe it. Just like the Google search engine, your subconscious mind cannot process negative commands when you give your subconscious mind and negative command, able to simply ignore the negative part of it and focus on the remaining part of the command. Can you give us an example of what you mean by that?
Jacqui: 44:50 Oh yes. This is always a fun exercise. When I have workshops or when I do this speaking engagement, it’s always so much fun. So every time you say something or you have a feeling that’s basically a command to your subconscious mind, this is what I want.
Jacqui: 45:05 Give me more of this thing. So when you give a command, the first thing you mind does is make some kind of civilization and makes a picture of it in your mind and it cannot make negative pictures. So when it cannot make a negative picture, it will ignore the negative part and goes to what’s leftover. So I’m going to give you a command and I want to see what pops up in your mind. Are you ready? Yes. Don’t think of an orange cat. What pops up in your mind?
Kathy: 45:35 An orange cat.
Jacqui: 45:37 An orange cat, right? Because when I give you a command of don’t think of an orange cat. I didn’t really tell you what to do instead. So your mind’s eye on, I don’t know what to do. Orange cat. So the orange cap pops in your mind, so that’s what showed. Have a really hard time with parents that you know, who say things like don’t run well, what am I supposed to do?
Jacqui: 45:59 They have no idea and they’re still running. So the way that you want to give commands to, to your children and to yourself is give them something that he can actually do. So, walk. Oh mom wants me to walk. I can walk. Right, okay. Right. Don’t run. What does she want me to sit? Does she want me to lay down? And she wanted me to. You know, what does you want me to do? I have no idea. So if I don’t understand, I’m going to continue doing in my current behavior.
Kathy: 46:25 This is so funny. It reminds me of the movie, Ghostbusters, when they say choose your destructor…
Jacqui: 46:32 hey, that’s not the mind works.
Kathy: 46:35 I thought that was a great description. So if I say a command like, oh, I don’t want any more drama in my life.
Jacqui: 46:43 What do you think your mind heard?
Kathy: 46:44 Drama.
Jacqui: 46:46 Yes. Drama, yes. So your mind has to make a picture of drama first and then you have to try to erase that or push it aside. But the first thing that comes up is drama. And that’s why a lot of people, you know, when they’re really angry and they tell them so I don’t want to be angry and they get more angry and they have no clue why, and that’s because they’re telling their subconscious mind give me the experience of anger, uh, I want to continue this experience because the subconscious mind won’t ignore that don’t part.
Kathy: 47:14 Right. You talk a lot about how a lot of your clients have problems with self confidence. And in your third book, unleash your inner superpowers and destroy fear and self doubt. You say that confidence is a learned skill. Does that mean that self confidence isn’t something that we’re born with at all or is it just something that we all have to learn?
Jacqui: 47:39 No, Um, some people are born with self confidence, you know, they have that natural confidence from the get go and some people have natural confidence from the get go and then something significant happened to them that, that helped them to lose their confidence. But regardless of where you are, whether you were born with some confidence or no confidence or you had a lot and you lost your confidence, it can be learned from the moment you decide, you know what, I want more confidence. You can always build up on what you have.
Kathy: 48:06 And do you have like one quick tip or step that you can share that maybe somebody is trying to work on their self confidence but they’re struggling with it?
Jacqui: 48:16 Well, the first thing is that we talked about a little while ago is, is be very aware of the commands that you’re giving your mind.
Jacqui: 48:23 If you go around all day saying, you know what, I don’t have any confidence. You’re telling your mind to run that program too, to make sure that you have the experience of having no confidence. Right? Right. Or you go around saying, you know, I’m inferior, Like I did. well, the mind hurts, oh, you know, she wants the experience of being inferior, make sure she has experience. And so being aware of your language, being aware of how you talk to yourself. Uh, we didn’t talk about this yet, but I have a podcast called Stop The Bully Within that whole podcast is about the self talk. You know, when you think of bullying, and when people talk about bullying, the first thing that comes to mind for most people are external bullies, right? Right. Other people are doing these things to me and I’m powerless against that, but in reality, the biggest bully that you’re ever going to deal with is the bully that lives inside you.
Jacqui: 49:16 You are your worst bully. You are your worst critic because long after everybody forgotten what you’ve done, you’re still replaying that and beating yourself up. So the one tip you know, if I have any, is really be aware of the language that you use when you talk to yourself and if it’s not okay for you to talk that way to someone you love or care about, don’t talk to yourself that way. Talk to yourself as if you’re talking to your best friend.
Kathy: 49:46 That’s great advice. Talk to yourself as if you were talking to your best friend.
Jacqui: 49:50 Just imagine, you know, like if your best friend came to you and said, you know, I screwed up and I did this horrible thing, and you tell your best friend, yeah, you’re a jerk. I hate you. You’re, you’re, you’re a terrible person. Nobody would do that, but you. you’re not gonna have that best friend very long, but you do that to yourself all the time, right?
Jacqui: 50:08 Yes. Now, if your best friend comes to you and tell you they screw up, chances are you going to say, you know what? It’s going to be okay. It’s not that bad. You’ll get through this. Start speaking to yourself that way with love and with kindness.
Kathy: 50:24 Speak to yourself with loving kindness. That’s a great reminder. Thank you, Jacqui. I know we’ve been talking for awhile and you can go on and on and on, but the content of your book, but I wanted to quickly go back to your personal journey. So knowing what you know today and all the struggles that you went through to get here, would you go back and do it all again?
Jacqui: 50:48 I would because I really like who I am today and I don’t know if I would be this exact person today if I didn’t go through my learning lessons and going through what I went through helps me to help other people.
Jacqui: 51:02 It helps me be more compassionate. It helps me to be relatable and it helps me to understand a lot better than if I didn’t have those experiences. So no, I would not trade them for the world, especially during the younger years because I have this amazing son.
Kathy: 51:18 Yes. I know we covered a lot, but is there anything that we haven’t covered that you would really like to share with listeners?
Jacqui: 51:27 I think we’ve covered quite a bit. Um, but I do want to mention too, just going back to this, stop the bully within podcast. If you’re struggling with confidence, if you’re struggling with a negative, a lot of negative self talk, check out the stop the bully within podcast. I mean like my husband and I created that podcast really as a resource for anybody who wants to learn how to be kinder to themselves to have more confidence.
Jacqui: 51:51 And every episode is under 30 minutes and is very actionable. We go through a concept and then we give, you know, a few small action steps that you can take right then and there. And if you follow those action steps, you will notice a change in yourself immediately. And then all of a sudden you realize, you know, you haven’t been beating yourself up for a while and that you have more energy to do things you want to do and that you are more likely to go after what you want. And that it’s all really about mindset. So if you’re curious at all about how to improve your mindset and stop that inner bully, that you do have to check it out.
Kathy: 52:32 Yes, definitely. Check out Jacqui’s podcast, Stop the Bully Within. I’ve listened to it and it’s inspiring, positive, encouraging, and actionable. So Jacqui, let’s talk about what’s new. I understand you’re starting a new podcast. Can you talk about that?
Jacqui: 52:51 Yes, I can talk about this all day. One of the things that I’ve, I’ve learned to do is really listened to my intuition and allow my intuition to guide me even if it doesn’t make a lot of sense to me logically and the path that I’m on right now is really learning how to live a very responsible life. I’m a life that is really compassionate to myself, to other people, to the planet and to animals. And so the podcast that we’re launching November first is called The Roving Vegans. My husband and I went vegans in June and what we want to do is share our journey. Um, you know, how we got into this lifestyle, what we do with this lifestyle as well as adventures we have in our motor home or on our motorcycle.
Jacqui: 53:43 And the whole idea behind the podcast is to really showcase that you can have this magnificent life that really takes into consideration, love for yourself, love for the planet, and love for all beings.
Kathy: 53:56 That’s wonderful. Well, I’m excited for you, Jacqui. Just had to ask, do you have any other new books coming out soon?
Jacqui: 54:04 Not soon. Um, but I will be writing my fourth book and that’s basically based on the podcast that we talked about already, The Stop the Bully Within, but it’s very similar. It’s really about how to turn that negative, critical internal voice until voice of love and support for yourself. And I’ll start writing that next year.
Kathy: 54:24 Terrific. Is it also going to be geared to young adults?
Jacqui: 54:29 No. Thanks for asking. This is going to be my very first book that is going to be geared towards adults.
Kathy: 54:36 Oh, that’s great.
Jacqui: 54:41 I’ve been getting a lot of requests, so I’m honoring that request. And then after I’m done with that book, I’m actually gonna start writing for little kids. I want to write to the elementary year, you know, the young adults is fantastic, but if you can learn to as when you’re in second grade, and third grade, imagine how much more you can do with your life.
Kathy: 54:58 Oh yes. I’m so happy to hear you say that. Very, very cool. Well thank you for working on this next project. I look forward to reading it when it comes out and hopefully we’ll have you back on the show and talk about your new book.
Jacqui: 55:12 That sounds fantastic. Thank you so much for having me on today. Thank you.
Kathy: 55:16 So we’re again a have your links on our website. So tell us how can people get a hold of you, Jacqui?
Jacqui: 55:24 The easiest way to get a hold of me is on my website, which will be linked, but it is JacquiLetran.com. And I’ll spell it for you. J A C Q u i l e t r a n.com.
Kathy: 55:39 Wonderful. Jacqui, thank you so much for sharing your story and for writing your books and your sharing your tips. Really, really love your stuff. I’m a big fan and I look forward to seeing what you do in the future.
Jacqui: 55:52 Thank you, Kathy.
Kathy: 55:54 You’ve been listening to The Inspire Cafe Podcast. You’ll find the show theinspirecafe.com, and also we’re on facebook, instagram, and twitter. If you’d like what you’re hearing, please subscribe and share with your friends. Until our next conversation, thank you for listening!