Carlana Stone is an author, motivational speaker, and a former TV news reporter and primetime network TV producer. She’s worked on popular shows like A&E’s Intervention, The Biggest Loser and Judge Judy, just to name a few. She’s gotten her private pilot’s license, she scuba-dives, has sky-dived and rides a custom Harley. She’s been interviewed by Montel Williams and has been on Larry King Live, and in 2008 was chosen to become one of ten contestants on Oprah Winfrey’s The Big Give. Carlana’s list of accomplishments go on and on. She’s such an inspiration and great role model of never giving up because at the age of 17, Carlana was in a terrible car accident that left her paralyzed. In today’s interview, we talk about her book, Never Give In, Never Give Up, what she’s been doing since she authored it, and the nonprofit she’s currently working on, The Courage Community, which assists veterans. Carlana has a lot of great life lessons to share. This is Carlana’s story.
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Kathy: Carlana, you, when you were 17, you were a high school cheerleader and athlete, a competing gymnast. When you got in an accident, can you briefly describe what happened back then?
Carlana: That was the end of my junior year in high school and I was with my boyfriend. Sam is a good friend of mine and a guy she was dating and we jumped in a car to drive to Dallas, Texas and go out on the town and have a big night of dancing and drinking at a, a new wave nightclub and a jump in the car at the end of the night to drive back home to make it back before our parents figured out that we had even left. And uh, on the way back home, that’s when we had the accident. The driver fell asleep at the wheel and you know, it could’ve been any one of us driving. And um, yeah, I mean, I, I, I specifically remember going around the car going OK, who’s best off the drive, you know? Um, and, and so we decided on a, the guy who drove us home and we all kind of drifted off on our way and he did too, and fortunately he woke up before we went off of, you know, 500 foot drop that would’ve killed all of us and we didn’t lose anybody. So we’re good, right? Change the course of my wife and I, to be perfectly honest, I wouldn’t go back and change it.
Kathy: You wouldn’t go back to change it?
Carlana: No, I would not.
Kathy: Wow. OK. So I got asked what makes you say that?
Carlana: because the aftermath of all of that has resulted in a richness of life that I would’ve never had have experienced– the richness and relationships, the ability to see other people through a different perspective and recognizing the ability of others to see what their heart. That was the most impactful thing for me was that people couldn’t see past the chair. They can see me. But it’s up to me to show them something to latch onto that exceeds the chair to get past the chair that, that gets past that conversation. The chair’s just a conduit for that exchange.
Kathy: That’s an interesting tie. So do you think it starts to chew, exchange of showing and seeing your true self starts with you or does it start with everybody else looking at you?
Carlana: Great question. You’re going to go there, aren’t ya? As much as I’d like to put it on other people, it’s up to me and, and, and yeah, it’s up to me and uh, God, I just feel overcome with emotion and addressing this question because at 49 years old I’m still working on applying the wisdom or knowledge or insight or whatever you want to call it that we acquire over a period of time in our lives through the difficulties we face and the different obstacles we can try it. And, you know, that’s when we find out what we’re made up and I, I truly believe that we teach people how to treat us and, and, and that is through how we present ourselves. And I mean it’s as simple as if we’ve got a smile on our face or not. Um, if we’re carrying our load and the public as opposed to stepping into the grocery store, whatever, within some kind of exchange where we can kind of lose our own, um, focus on whatever we’re so hell bent on focusing on, and we just broaden our horizons.
Carlana: When we open up our perspective, we can see, um, uh, gosh, there’s so many other people around us who are struggling and while it’s not the same as mine is, oh my gosh, I wouldn’t trade places with this person. But I’ve got something to learn from this person. And um, I, I really believe that, that these individual challenges that we face in our lives offer up an opportunity for us to learn something about ourselves that, that has been dying to come out and in there lies a resource, a, uh, an opportunity to be empowered. I don’t, I don’t really know how to explain it.
Kathy: That’s OK. That’s OK. Well, let’s talk about. OK. So at 17 you’re paralyzed.
Carlana: I’m going to dive in with you if you’re OK with it.
Kathy: Yeah.
Carlana: Um, and so when I’m looking at myself going, oh my God, how is anybody gonna love me again. How is anybody gonna, you know, what good am I now? I revert back to something so early on that impacted me as a person. Karen Jordan is her name and she’s no longer with us.
Kathy: Right. She was the woman who shared the hospital room with you initially. Right.
Carlana: Yes, yes. Thank you. Thank you for taking the time to read the book. Seriously. But because you know, you know what, my entire life was changed by meeting Karen Jordan. Karen Jordan was such an amazing human being and here I am, this cheerleader, all these different things. You know, like my entire identity was focused on my physical capability and that was how I got attention that was how I received accolades and those, that, that applause and all that kind of stuff will all of a sudden, you know, juxtaposed with there is an accident and all of a sudden everything that I knew as my identity was called into question and I, I was paralyzed. And so I didn’t, you know, have those strong legs that carried me across the balance beam. That one thing I didn’t have, you know, or, or the tumbler that I was as a gymnast. Karen Jordan was to me somebody who embodied this courage, relentless courage.
Carlana: I used to watch as her husband would come into the room, Dennis, and he was actually driving. Oh God, I can’t remember what you call it, but, but the thing that the axle broke out on the truck as they were driving down the interstate and, of course, you know, sent the car off the road. And, and uh, so she had a son, and Dennis just harbored so much guilt for, you know, the fact that here he stands completely physical, capable on here he’s looking at his wife and their two and a half year old son who was, was so small at the time. So Karen was this quadriplegic. You know, quadriplegics at that time had had four screws drilled into their heads to in the front and two in the back to hold a harness, like a metal harness that was like basically a metal box around her head.
Carlana: You know, she couldn’t scratch an itch if she tried, she couldn’t. But she had this courage that made her larger than life. And and her husband would come in and be carrying their son, their two and a half-year-old son, and would try to get him over to fit his little head between the confines of that brace so he could kiss his mom on the lips and you can see the yearning from her wanting to reach out and embrace her son. But she was incapable physically to do that. She was incapable of taking a sip of water if she was thirsty. She was incapable of scratching an itch. And when I learned to get in and out of bed there, it was about a month after I was in Rehab, I was able to get in and out of bed and go get her some water. I, became so obstinate because, you know, the nurses would be on, on a, on a switchover, you know, they, they, they had like these eight hours shifts kind of thing.
Carlana: And so when they were on a shift change, you couldn’t get somebody in there to come bring her water scratch an itch. Is that those, those, those little things that mean everything. And I found my value in being able to get out of bed and make some noise, will go, go get something out of the refrigerator because the nurse was unavailable because they were in the middle of the shift change and come back and give her something to drink or rub her aching arm or just put my fingers through her hair, you know? I mean, oh my gosh. She was, you know, she never, she surrendered to the things that she didn’t have control over and there was such power in that because she was at peace with that and I still aspire to that. She’s still such an inspiration for me to get to that sense of peace. Does that make sense?
Kathy: It does. And I remember you writing about it in your book, Never Give In, Never Give Up. You were astounded by, even though she endured such loss from her accident becoming quadriplegic, she didn’t become bitter.
Carlana: No. I don’t know how to really explain it other than, you know, getting back into a situation where I could shift my perspective, you know, where, where my perspective wasn’t just based on this internal dialogue where I’m going, oh, woe is me, I’m no longer a cheerleader, I’m lying here. I’m paralyzed. What does this mean? I was able to get outside of myself and um, and I, I don’t want to communicate this, but that Karen was a much needed distraction or, or like, like a, not a distraction, but a, a veering me in the right direction to, to say, Oh, you know, what, maybe I need to take the onus off myself for a moment or not, not so much the onus but the focus off of myself and opened my eyes and look around me so I can like really soak up the knowledge and the wisdom from the people around me and their experiences and apply it to myself until we get outside of ourselves. And out of ourselves and out of that kind of pity mode or whatever you want to call it, you know, and recognize the opportunities. And, and, and I’ll tell you, my first time out of the rehab, my family came and picked me up and I talked about this in my book as well.
Carlana: I talk about these things in the book because they are still so incredibly important that, um, and, and you know, 30 years later are still something I reference to gain perspectives and I can remember going out for the first time from rehab and interacting with the public. My family came to pick me up and yeah, they sent me off in a 50 pound cluncker of a wheelchair because, you know, there wasn’t anything that, that I’d been, that had been designed for me. You know, they come and they, they outfit you with a wheelchair that’s designed for you, that’s a lightweight thing. It’s almost custom design, right. This was hirty years ago, so we had this 50 pound clunker that my dad’s stuck in the back of the car and we pull up and of course we’re in a valet in there. All these people standing there at the valet and they’re, they’re gathering up there. While my dad was a, of course park in the middle of the Valet and he’s, I’m got a bit of wheelchair.
Carlana: Oh yeah. It’s like, oh gosh, really, you know, don’t call attention to me. And I’m sitting there going like, oh my gosh. And I’ve got this big back brace on and I’ve got a board that runs from the seat of the car to the seat of my wheelchair and I’ve got a work my booty across that board and into the wheelchair and then wheel across the driveway and into the restaurant. But in between that, all the people from the valet are kind of emerging and, and, and I’m like halfway between the board, from the car seat to my wheelchair. And, I’m going, don’t look up, don’t look up. Think about this as a, you know, a routine that I’m doing on the balance beam.
Kathy: Focus
Carlana: Focus on that and don’t look up. Don’t look up until I do my business. And, but I looked up. And when I looked up, I made eye contact. I can still see this woman plain as day that’s 32 years ago that I looked up at this woman while I was halfway over that board. And I saw a look of pity and it was the most paralyzing moment of my life.
Kathy: You mentioned that in your book that you talk about the biggest struggle wasn’t dealing with learning to be in the wheelchair, but rather the looks of pity that you got.
Carlana: It was. Yes, yes, yes. Thank you for that. It was the emotion that it evoked and other people. That was a sense of pity where a sense of pity from my perspective denoted that I couldn’t do anything about it to save myself versus empathy. You know, pity and sympathy are one thing, in my book, empathy is another. Empathy has a cheerleading thing behind it. Like empathy. Hey, I get you. I’ve been where you are. I can understand that. I can see that through my own personal experiences that I can find a way to connect with your experience and I don’t feel sorry for you. I can identify with where you are and I’m challenging you. I am on the sidelines cheering you to get through this moment. You will. You’ve got to make a decision to. And so it’s kind of like, I really believe that we have the signs around us, you know, um, and an ability or an opportunity to learn everywhere we turn. Right. I think empathy is so important, but I think it’s even more important to understand the difference between sympathy and empathy so that when you look at empathy versus sympathy, sympathy is kind of like, oh, somebody is destined to be a victim of their circumstances. I see. Versus, versus a hero.
Kathy: Right. You, you very interestingly lived in Russia for I understand, over two years seeking a miracle cure stem cell treatments and vigorous therapies. And you talk about, uh, you learned an incredible lesson while you were in Russia and before you got home. Can you talk about that?
Carlana: Absolutely. Yeah. I think a lot of it goes back to kind of describing what I, what I experienced in Boulder or you know, just throughout the entire course of my life since I’ve been in the chair and the ability of others to see with their heart. And so going over to Russia at the time of the Cold War, which was, you know, 90 to 92. I was there in the thick of it.
Kathy: right.
Carlana: And, um, you connect to people and you exchange your story. And in so doing I’ve found that these people are just like me. And in fact, they had something to teach me, like they had this wherewithall, this drive, they didn’t take things for granted, you know, that they had a different perspective than I did, but, but, but it was all the same. And we, we shared something. I mean, there was a language that, that we spoke that is the universal language, you know, it’s kind of like music. Um, you don’t have to speak the words. It’s when your heart’s in your souls connect. And I believe we do that through story, which is why I’m a storyteller, you know, and, and, and have crafted my career out of being a storyteller, out of my complete obsession with connecting with others and figuring out where, where our stories come together and how we come together. If that makes any sense.
Kathy: It does. You wrote something really poignant, and I love this. When times are tough, we can choose to obsess on the negative and in so doing miss out on the little things that bring us joy or we can choose. And the keyword here is choose. It’s a conscious decision to exploit the joy in our lives to its fullest and savor the happiness that’s available to us. Do you really believe that happiness is a choice?
Carlana: There you go with like making me cry again. Yes, I do. My entire life has been, um, yeah. Every experience I’ve had in his life has been on indication that, that you know, what happiness is within my grasp. It’s whether I choose to grab it, it’s how I choose to engage. Period. I mean if I have to remind myself more than 24 times a day, more than once an hour, but I am constantly having to, to go shift your perspective, Carlena. How can, how can I make this work for me? Like how can I find the gift in this to be able to move on to the next step? And uh, it’s, it’s just burning that, that positive thing to latch onto.
Kathy: You mentioned, or you said, I believe it was in one of your interviews, you’ve been on Montel Williams and on Larry King Live, and I forget which one it was, but you said, I believe resiliency is cyclical. What did you mean by that?
Carlana: Good question. I swear, it’s like you have you been like, like on my shoulder during my life. I’m one of the things that alliterative before was the, uh, the, the speaking engagement that the army and um, and in preparation for that I went back through just I go through an emotional exercise, delve back into my personal experiences and, and, and really try to extract something that I can share that going to resonate, that’s going to gel. So when I was with these guys, you know what before actually prior to [inaudible] stuff and I’m like, I’m not going to get back through my book because it’s like it’s 10 years later than when I published the book. And so I want to see, I want to start where I am right now and I go back and read my book and my book finishes with this beautiful wedding where I am like so in love with my husband, all this beautiful stuff and I’m doing my first solo flight. All these things that I accomplished. And I’m like, wow, that was how the book ended.
Carlana: Well, it doesn’t end there. Life went on. It keeps going, like oh my God, it was 10 years ago. But if I could write a book about, you know, pick up where I left off, you have a whole new book and I’m actually in process of doing it, but um, so anyway, I went back and read through my book like a week before I did my speaking engagements through the different chapters and the different aspects of never in, never give up going, OK, how do I make this applicable to everybody? And that was my direction when I went back to revisit books so I can figure out, oh, I’m sure there were some military aspect, whatever. Yeah, exactly. I know it’s laughable, but I go back and I’ll look at the seven. I’m like, oh my gosh. So this entire new speech called what’s paralyzing you because we’re all paralyzed in their life, right? And yeah, we just all have our, you know, kind of wheelchairs if you will, you know, what, what’s your, you know what I mean? We all have these, these, these things that consume us or paralyze us or what have you. And so the I’ll got back and I’m like, wait a minute. I started reading through my book, and I’m like,
Carlana: I did all of this, I knew, I knew all of this then? What the hell have I been doing for the last 10 years? I knew all of this then? I’m like, oh my gosh. And I had this major, like, panic attack.
Kathy: You’ve been slacking off, right Carlana?
Carlana: Yes. I was like, where have I been for the last 10 years? I’m useless. I thought, I don’t want anybody to [inaudible]. So I forced myself start making a list of what I’ve done since I had been married and had a beautiful wedding and you know, I’ve done my first solo flight and then I started going, oh. Well I created and sold my own show which was called Pure Gold that I package from for nothing. I um, I buried my best friend. I got divorced, but I found myself. I designed a Harley and got onto a motorcycle in spite of being a paraplegic and had the entire Harley Davidson community come out and collaborate on a way to make this happen, you know, I mean the, it goes on and on and on and on and I’m like, whoa, I have accomplished a lot. And so it’s kind of like a shift in perspective if you will. And, and, and going, you know, what these life lessons present themselves. In fact there’s a, um, thing, this is the 10, 10 principles for being human and at the end of it, you know, it is as well, you know, we will be presented a lesson over and over again until we learn it and it will come in different ways and what have you. And it’s totally Buddhist philosophy, but hey, for me it works. It’s like, Whoa, that’s true. It really rings true.
Kathy: It does.
Carlana: And there’s a beautiful simplicity in that. There’s a beautiful opportunity for us to forgive ourselves for the mistakes we’ve made or the things that we’d like to go back and redo or yeah, I like living in the mind. I have no regrets, but there’s a danger that comes with no regrets because there is a sometimes seemingly a lack of accountability. So with regrets, I want to learn from them. And my daddy always said, you don’t unless you lose the lesson. It’s true, right? Yeah.
Kathy: Well, I’m sure he’s glad that you remember what he says.
Carlana: Well, you know, my daddy is a, one of the biggest influences in my life. I’d have to say my daddy is the biggest influencer in my life.
Kathy: Well, he went with you to Russia, right? Initially
Kathy: He did go with me to Russia. And um, you know, he was, he was a methodist minister. Wanted to make religion fun. Yeah. I’m on the other end of the spectrum. Well, not the other end of the spectrum, but I I’m like this free loving hippie kind of mentality, like definitely have the love of God in my heart and uh, and, and the influence. And, and I just believe that it, it, it, um, it’s not something that is small, you know, that it’s something that, that is unique to each and every person who carries it in their heart and soul. And so I, I need to be adaptable. I need to apply the same adaptability as I do when I’m getting in and out of a car, out of a wheelchair versus stepping into it. I’ve got to ease my way into a relationship with somebody else and find a place where I can identify with them where we speak the same language and it’s just finding alternate routes to get to the same desired result. And, and yeah, that’s, that’s where going back to, I wouldn’t go back and change it. My, my accident, my paralysis, I wouldn’t go back. I’ve never met a person with whom I would trade places because it’s helped me unearth this vitality in myself and it’s unstoppable aspect that I have that I’ve got to continually remind myself that, hey, to me, whether it’s something I’m showing other people, whether it’s something I’m showing myself. I start with that everybody else will be taken care of.
Kathy: Right. Going back to, you know what you’re saying, what have I done? You do have a list, a long list of accomplishments that I’m aware of. You know, you have your pilot’s license, you learned how to fly you scuba dive, you, uh, um, skydive. You, like you said you ride a Harley and, and you started a foundation, The Courage Community. Can you talk about what that is and what that does and what it’s up to now?
Carlana: Well, thank you for that. The Courage Community is a nonprofit organization I founded 11 years ago. And, uh, what with the idea of [inaudible] online portal of hope and understanding where people share their experiences in the face of adversity and know that they’re not alone, where they can exchange information, they can empower one another, but they can also have access to a pool of resources, but they don’t need to be outted. They have a complete shield of anonymity at the same time giving a platform to express themselves. So what we’re, what I’m working on doing, like for instance with The Courage Community 10 years ago, I mean, I, I really was not in a position to excessively execute the vision and so the Courage Community utilizes the technology such as, you know, 10 years ago we, we had, we are addressing the underserved populations of the country. And so 10 years ago it was all the guys and gals coming home from the Middle East.
Carlana: And how did they adapt to the aftermath of war? You know, going back to that whole idea, What’s paralyzing you? What’s paralyzing our guys and gals coming back, or post-traumatic stress disorder, drug and alcohol, uh, which, which, oh, oftentimes is a self-medication thing where they are simply trying to medicate their hurt. You know, bringing in all of the different assets and feel, you know, from, from Intervention. I was a producer on Intervention for several years and a and on A&E Intervention. And Ken Feeley came onboard to help address and do some online webinars, interfacing with these guys and gals who are dealing with addiction issues, relationship issues. Um, the suicide rates are all like inner, inner related, if you will. And really what is getting down to is diving into the heart and soul of these people. How can we provide the resources for anybody who’s going through this kind of thing?
Carlana: So one of the things that we’re doing right now to revitalize the courage is to bring it into a modern day framework and bringing in the element of storytelling, which involves virtual reality, which, you know, they call virtual reality, the ultimate empathy machine. Going back to our conversation about empathy. When we can make people feel, when we can make people care, they remember. They remember, it makes something impactful. And so if we can tell stories that resonate, that connect the people and I believe that we got to connect to that thing, that, that is that common denominator. And that is struggle, just like happiness. Yeah. Happiness and suffering are two universal languages.
Kathy: Can’t wait to hear and see more when that program is started. When will that, when do you think that’ll be?
Carlana: Thank you. Within the next six months, um, we are literally, um, you know, I, I say we are, I am a, to be perfectly honest, I’m in the process of coralling all of the assets that have all of those resources that talks about that I didn’t know how to call in before. I’m positioning all of them. I’ve got like this amazing team of people who are signed up and ready to really bring those into what it can be and that, that ultimately I’ll keep. I’ll keep you abreast of the happenings and thank you so much for, for calling attention to the Courage Community because it is something that’s very near and dear to my heart. And the reason that I’m on this planet.
Kathy: Well Carlana, you’ve shared a tremendous amount of information of what you’ve gone through, what you’ve learned. Is there anything specifically that you’d like to share with listeners as far as overcoming adversity? Any words of wisdom?
Carlana: I think at the end of the day would I keep having to remind myself of is that we’re all paralyzed. When I was first injured, my daddy wanted to fix me. And for him fix me meant make me walk again, sent me to Russia and all kinds of stuff. But in so doing he didn’t realize the bigger fix, that it wasn’t about making me walk again. It was about me connecting to this universality of we’re all in this together and, and when, when I look at fixing myself, fixing anybody else’s perspective of me, it all starts with me and how I feel and I’ve learned that how I feel depends on what I do and how I engage with people. And when I’m doing something that makes me feel good, like slapping a smile on the face. My mom always said, act your way into a new way of thinking. Like, Whoa, that’s a good one. Yeah. My mom was filled with great wisdom. That leads right into Never Give In, Never Give Up, that that leads right into The inspire Café. Everybody’s got a story and wisdom to share and it’s the exchange of that information, I believe where we thrive. Yes. Or where we come together.
Kathy: For me, there’s nothing more relieving to know that somebody else went through this or there’s something else that I can learn from and you learn from it and you grow from it and helps elevate yourself.
Carlana: Yeah. And and, and, and oftentimes it doesn’t even matter if you are aware of extracting wisdom from their experience. Just the simple fact of knowing you’re not alone is fuel enough to find the answers within yourself.
Kathy: That’s true. So, so true. Carlana, thank you so much for sharing your story and your wisdoms and all your great quotes. You’ve got a lot of great quotes and I would put a plug into your book because you have some great exercises and lessons learned at the end of each chapter, which I’ve found very, very helpful to anybody who’s interested.
Carlana: The living proof section. Thank you for that. Yeah, the living proof of it, acknowledging different stories that you know, show how other people are paralyzed. I’m paralyzed. What’s paralyzing you? Yes. It’s not the wheelchair. My wheelchair was the easy part. My wheelchair is the conduit, my wheelchair, is a conversation starter. It’s what’s underneath that, that connects us.
Kathy: Thank you so much, Carlana.
Carlana: Thank you.