Megan Fenyoe is an Air Force Veteran, Licensed Clinical Social Worker, Transformational Mindset Coach, Professional Speaker and now published Author. She tells the very personal story of how she struggled to come out of an abusive relationship. In the midst of her journey, she began writing her now published book, You Are Enough: 5 Steps To Move From Struggle To Strength.  She talks about the self-discovery and personal challenges she went through, and now how she’s helping others learn those five steps to learning that You Are Enough.

We will have links to Megan’s site, her book, and also provide a transcript of this interview on our website, TheInspireCafe.com

And make sure to listen to the end as we will also have on The Inspire Café Podcasts’s Facebook page a post where anyone can add a further question for Megan about this interview and she’ll get back to you. Please note that questions will be taken for the first week this episode is released. So be on the lookout for that too.

Mentioned in this episode:

  • MissionStrengthSD.com
  • Jenny McCarthy SiriusXM – Search for Megan Fenyoe when she guests on the Jenny McCarthy show on Sept. 10, 2018 @ 11:20am ET
  • Got a further question for Megan regarding this interview?  Post your question on our FB page here.  Questions will be taken for one week from the date the episode is released.

 

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If you prefer to read, here’s a transcript of the interview!

Megan:                               So, for me, I was allowing my ex husband and everything he did to write the story of my life. I was living a mediocre life. I was unhappy. I was allowing him to abuse me. I felt like I wasn’t enough and it was releasing that trauma saying, this is no longer going to control me. He is not writing my story. I was able to release that trauma. Again. It’s always going to be there. There’s going to be days where it affects me and there’s going to be days that it doesn’t and I accept that and acknowledge that, but I guarantee you that I have released it and that man no longer writes my story.

Kathy:                                  Hello and welcome to The Inspire Cafe Podcast, where we bring you conversations and inspirational stories of people overcoming adversity and then how they came out of it transformed with a positive outlook or outcome. People are incredibly resilient and we need to hear more of their stories. This is Kathy De La Torre.

Kathy:                                 Hello, today we’re talking with Megan. She’s an air force veteran, licensed clinical social worker, transformational mindset coach, professional speaker, and now published author. She tells a very personal story how she struggled to come out of an abusive relationship and in the midst of her journey, she began writing her now published book, You are Enough: Five Steps to Move from Struggle to Strength. She talks about the self discovery and personal challenges she went through, and now how she helps others learn those five steps that you too are enough. We will have links to Megan site her book and also provide a transcript of this interview on our website, theinspirecafe.com, and make sure to listen to the end as we will also have on The Inspire Cafe Podcast facebook page a post for anyone can add a further question for Megan about this interview and she’ll get back to you. Please note that questions will be taken for the first week this episode is released. Okay, let’s get back to Megan story.

Kathy:                                  Megan, first of all, thank you so much for the opportunity to do an advanced reading of your book. I know it’s coming out later this month, August 15. Is that right?

Megan:                               Um, actually it’s changed August 14th, but yes, I’m originally, it was the 15th, but it’s now August 14th.

Kathy:                                  Okay, great. So by the time people hear this, it’ll already be out and the title of your book is You are Enough; Five Steps to Move from Struggle to Strength. And what I got from it was that it was encouraging and empowering for you to share your story, your personal story, but mostly I was taken by that when you wrote it, you were kind of still living in it. Yeah. And it was in that process. But before we talk about your book, let’s talk a little bit about you and your background. I understand you’re a clinical social worker, you’re an Air Force Veteran, a transformational mindset coach, professional speaker, author, and you own a health food franchise, which, which health food franchises that?

Megan:                               um, it’s called Juice Plus

Kathy:                                  Juice Plus. wow you’re doing a lot. Yes. So talking about your personal journey, you wrote that you went through countless disappointments and defeats beginning in your early childhood and it continued even while writing this book. When you talk about the challenges you had in your childhood, can you share what you mean by that?

Megan:                               Definitely. So I grew up in a very dysfunctional abusive home and also I have a learning disability and I have an eighth grade reading level and a ninth grade math level. So my guidance counselor in high school told myself and my parents that I shouldn’t go to college because I was never going to graduate. So I’ve always had this, you know, these feelings of not being good enough and you know, self defeat, but you know, so yeah, I started with struggles right when I was born pretty much.

Kathy:                                  Oh my gosh. Can you share what kind of learning disability this is?

Megan:                               Yeah. So reading and comprehension and math. So it’s really, you know, inability to focus and definitely comprehension. So I, you know, was in the resource room all through school, had computers that would scan my reading and read it back to me when I was in college and in my master’s program I’ve always had like extra time when taking tests, my own room. So like to study for an exam. It would take me five hours where it would take maybe someone that didn’t have a learning disability and hour our two. Right. Yeah.

Kathy:                                  Well you got your bachelors, you’ve got your master’s. Do you think, I’m wondering, this is just a curiosity for me. Was a part of the motivation to succeed at college? Was that also trying to prove that counselor wrong?

Megan:                               Oh yes. He was like kind of a sounding board in my head all through college and my masters and actually when I got my master’s degree I took a photocopy of it and wrote him a letter and then cc the letter to the principal and my resource room teacher and just basically told him like, you know, you were the voice inside my head for all of these years and I just really want to encourage you to think about what you say to kids because that could have deterred a child from going after what they truly wanted. And I said I was lucky enough to have that be a motivation. Um, so I definitely did send him a letter once I got my masters.

Kathy:                                  That’s so awesome. Did he ever reply back to you?

Megan:                               He did and he said, if I remember correctly, he said something about like, he didn’t remember saying that, but he was really proud of me and happy that I, you know, reached out to him basically.

Kathy:                                  Oh, okay. Yeah, yeah. Because I would imagine that having that as a motivator might be in the minority.

Megan:                               Oh definitely. And that’s, you know, that’s what I really as a therapist, I’ve been doing therapy for 15 years. That’s what I focus on is our mindset because it is, I mean every thing that happens to us can either make us stronger or it can deter us and keep us stuck. And like I said, I don’t know why I was one that just kept going and going and going, but I was very lucky to be able to do that, especially with the struggles with learning disability and that’s the only way I got into college just because I had a documented disability because my, you know, my scores and my grades and everything weren’t up to par to be in college basically.

Kathy:                                 Well, congratulations for sticking it out because you not just a bachelor’s and a master’s. Did you always know you wanted to help people through therapy?

Megan:                                so actually I always wanted to be a teacher and when I went to college for my Undergrad I hadn’t looked at anything else but I couldn’t pass the basic skills test that you have to take to enter the teacher program. And I tried it three times and then was so frustrated. I remember going into the Guidance Counselor’s office at college and at that point, because it was, you know, 1998 and social work really wasn’t on the board, you know, like social work wasn’t very known at that time. And I remember I wanted to help people and kids and so they showed me social work and I signed my major, resigned it right then and there. And I remember telling my parents because they’re like, what? What is that? Are you sure? What do you doing? Um, and I haven’t looked back. It was the best decision I’ve ever made.

Kathy:                                  So. Okay. I gotta ask you what inclined you to join the Air Force?

Megan:                              I love this story, so I’ve met, like I said, I’ve been a therapist social worker for over 15 years, so I really, you know, I’m from Michigan. I started working for the government as a CPS worker at 23 out of college and I’ve always been in government work and it’s been on my bucket list since I was a teenager to move California and once you get licensed as a therapist, you know, in a state, it’s really hard to move to other states. And this air force thing kind of fell in my lap, you know, I’ve always had this amazing gratitude and such pride for those that serve our country and the opportunity fell in my lap and it just kind of worked out and you know, I thought, what a great way to be able to give back to the people that are fighting for us by serving them in the mental health clinic. So in 2000 I was 33 years old. I commissioned as an officer in the air force, picked up my entire life, had no idea what I was doing and went to five weeks of officer training. Um, actually it was six years ago this week that I got into officer training and moved my life cross country because I got lo and behold stationed at travis air force base, which is up Northern California and so everything just kind of fell into place. And then once I got here I got licensed as a therapist in California.

Kathy:                                  Okay. Were you worried that they weren’t going to send you to California? Because I hear there’s no guarantee once you sign up, even though you put in requests,

Megan:                               right. There is not. However, this is a funny story. Um, my now ex has been, was head of recruiting and because I did so well in an interview that I had, like I was out of like 15 residents that they were looking at. I was like the second top. And so they took me on a trip to San Antonio, Texas before I signed to show me kind of air force life and things like that. And that’s where I met my now ex has been okay because originally I was going to Wright Patterson Air Force Base in Ohio and I did tell them that I wouldn’t sign because there were five bases I could choose from and one of them was California and I guess they wanted me bad enough because I scored so well that they changed it. And so that’s how I got here to California. Oh good. Well I had to use my little, you know, I had to use my strings a little bit to get there, but you know, it just worked out perfect.

Kathy:                                  Oh good. Well I’m glad you stuck to your guns and you waited for the right offer.

Megan:                               Yes.

Kathy:                                  Okay. So let’s jump forward a little bit. Getting to your book and the First Section of your book, you are enough five steps to move from struggle to strength. You talk about your personal story of going through personal drama and feeling like you were not enough. You talk about your relationship with your ex husband. Can you share a little bit about that story and what you went through?

Megan:                              Definitely. I don’t know where to start, but I’ll try to sum it up. So basically we met six years ago and it went really fast and you know, he adored me and we got married in Napa. I mean it was a beautiful wedding. Life was good, but as soon as I got married, things changed very quickly and you know, because of how I grew up, you know, I’m not going to lie even as a therapist, like I have issues with abandonment and low self esteem at times and I just, I could see him pulling away. I ca. I started catching him in a lot of lies and things just got worse and worse. And actually six months after we got married, he kicked me out of our house.

Kathy:                                  Six months?

Megan:                               Yeah. So I had gotten out of the air force and was in the midst of my California exam, so I didn’t have a job and he kicked me out and I ended up moving to La for a job and I got down there eight weeks later he asked for me back.

Megan:                               I moved back up north. Um, and so all of this stuff just kept happening. He filed for divorce six months after marrying me and then he pulled the papers three times over the next two and a half years, so it was like he would want me back and then as soon as he’d get me, it would go downhill and he would threaten divorce and then I found out that he had had an affair for 14 months of our two and a half year marriage and marriage to me is sacred and it means something to me. And so I stayed committed and faithful to him. I was going to work through this with him and there was just no responsibility taken by him. I was the one that was wrong. I was the one that was crazy, you know, he always blamed my issues and childhood and my trust issues that caused them to do this.

Megan:                               And we finally divorced by him. I, I, I did not want the divorce as crazy as it sounds. And 2016, our divorce was final and, but then for two years it kept going. He kind of an, in the book, I talk a lot about narcissistic abuse because even as a therapist I did not know that I was in the midst of this, like I know what narcissistic personality disorder is, but I didn’t know like the ins and outs of what that really is and I, that was super important for me to educate my readers on the different parts of narcissism will describe that.

Kathy:                                  What is narcissist? Narcissistic. I can’t even say it. It is narcissistic personality.

Megan:                               Um, it’s, I, I don’t, I’m not going to give the formal definition just because for me and with everyone that I’ve talked to you, it’s one of the big things is what they call love bombing.

Megan:                               And so that’s exactly what my ex husband did to me when you first start dating and it’s like, you know, he told me he loved me the first weekend we were together, you know, and just taking care of me and taking me on these extremity it trips. I mean, and getting married in Napa and just all this affection and love and gifts and everything. I mean, we were married within eight months and I was 34 at the time, so I wasn’t looking for love, I wasn’t, this was like totally out of the blue, but I just fell super hard and then. And that’s like the love bombing and then when we got married it’s what they call gaslighting and the gaslighting is he pulls you close, then he puts you away, blows you close, and he throws you away and like, you know, making you feel like you’re absolutely crazy. He, he made me go on medication. He made me go into therapy. All of this stuff. I, I literally felt like I was crazy. He made me feel crazy and then I just kept going back to him. He had me on this string.

Kathy:                                  So the love bombing and the gaslighting, that’s all has to do with his narcissism?

Megan:                               Yes, it’s, there’s different parts of narcissism and it wasn’t until I started reading all of this that I realized, oh my gosh, like I had examples of all of these different terms with narcissism, which I have in the book. I give examples of what happened in my life to go with gaslighting and all of that stuff, and it’s just profound and the major thing about narcissism is that manipulation, that inability to take responsibility for their actions and their inability to feel. They literally. There’s no authenticity. They, they don’t know what real emotions are. They don’t know what love is. They literally don’t care who they hurt. They’ll look like they care, and a lot of narcissists have on the outside. All of these people think they’re amazing. Oh my gosh. People would say, [bleep] is so great. He’s so successful and that’s what they draw in, but behind closed doors it’s completely different. Right.

Kathy:                                  That sounds so crazy. I mean, because it sounds like he has no remorse yet, is intentionally putting on this facade. I am no clinician, have no background in it, but is that sociopathic behavior?

Megan:                               In some respects, Yes. And so in February, I’m not that I’m trying to jump ahead, but this is where I really realized the sociopath part of it is in February, so after two years of being divorced I moved to San Diego like a year and a half ago and he just kept messaging me the day I moved. He met me for lunch and he begged me not to leave. He cried. He’s like, don’t leave, you know, we went on dates. I had never been back to my house in two years and, but like, so he would always meet me out and then he came down here in February and he said, I have a job interview and I’m going to show you that I made the biggest mistake of my life and if I get this job I’m going to move down here. And he, he literally cried what to me straight in the face and he was like, do you still have your wedding ring?

Megan:                               And I was like, yes. And I fell for it. But I remember praying right before I picked him up and I said, Lauren, I said, the affair wasn’t enough for me to leave him. If this is not what you want for me, you need to show me and I will follow. And literally the night before he flew back to Sacramento, I found out that he moved in another girl a month before our divorce was final, bought her a brand new car and she has been living in our home for the last two years. Oh my gosh. This. So this is a totally different girl then the girl that he had an affair with. Oh yeah. And she knew about me obviously because I was his ex wife, but I did not know she even existed. And then I’m like, that’s why it makes sense that I never went back to the house, you know, he always wanted to meet at my house or he always, you know, wanted to meet me in public.

Megan:                               But he saw me on a regular basis over the last two years and he threatened me if I got an attorney. So I didn’t for the divorce. And now I know why because he had bought her a brand new car. And this is the other part about narcissists is the financial piece is that he lives in our amazing house. He makes a ton of money and I had to file for bankruptcy two months ago. Oh my gosh. And that’s another part is like the financial control and so on February when I found this out, I was like, okay, that’s my sign. I’m like, I’m out. I’m done. And the last thing I heard from him was on February 15th and he sent me an email and I won’t repeat it because there’s a lot of bad words in it, but basically he said, you’re crazy, you’ve ruined my life.

Megan:                              I will never talk to you again. You’re the worst mistake I’ve ever made because I obviously reached out to this woman and that was the last thing I ever heard from him.

Kathy:                                  Okay. You outed him to her.

Megan:                               I outed him and, and just so side note her and I like, it wasn’t bad. She, you know, she thanked me and she told me things too and it made me feel like I wasn’t crazy and her feel like she wasn’t crazy because same thing, he made her go on meds and therapy and go to therapy and so it was very good. I mean, it wasn’t like sometimes you know, going and talking to a woman about this can be really like drama filled, but it wasn’t and that’s when I was like sociopath, like how does someone after six years send an email like that and be totally okay with it ending the way that it did. Just swearing at me, calling me names, everything and I haven’t talked to him since that day.

Kathy:                                  Wonder if his behavior was intended to stroke his ego or is he doing this with multiple women because he’s trying to get their money.

Megan:                                I don’t think it’s money because when we left the divorce for the divorce, I just walked away from everything so he didn’t get anything from me. Like the house and stuff. He had done something that’s a whole nother story and so I didn’t know that I didn’t. My name wasn’t on the house until the divorce, so he didn’t take any money from me, but I think what it is for him as it was so hard for him to let me go and he wasn’t 100 percent sure about this girl even though she had lived with them that, okay, let’s just throw Megan away. I’m going to fix this, but I guarantee you there’s another woman. There was so many things that I saw and found that there’s multiple women in his life. I guarantee it just because of the things that I would see when I was married to him and it would always be. You’re crazy. You have trust issues. You don’t know what you’re talking about. All of this.

Kathy:                                  Right. I recall you referring to him as like your drug. Oh yeah. You were addicted to him and that You actually were hiding it from your friends or family that you received him after the divorce. Is that right?

Megan:                                Oh yeah. Up until. I mean, once in awhile I would tell my friends, but actually when he came here in February I told no one and because yeah, he had me so wrapped up and you know, my friends would tell me, Megan, I know every time you talked to [bleep] and I said, how in there like your demeanor changes, you’re irritable, you’re just not yourself. And so it was hard because all of that unfolded in February and he was here and I’m just going to be honest, it was not a good outcome when I found out that night when he was at my house and so the next day I had to call my girlfriends and of course I was hysterical and crying and because I just couldn’t believe I fell for it again. And so yeah, they found out that I did not tell them. Yeah. So same thing as an addiction. He exactly was. He controlled my life. You controlled my moods, my behavior, everything.

Kathy:                                 I’m really glad that you brought that up, but you were talking about you kept relapsing on him and I think a lot of people can relate to relationships like that, that they’re so addicted to a certain person, even though it’s an unhealthy relationship. Yeah. So was that learning about the next woman that was your last straw?

Megan:                               Yes, because I had prayed that prayer before. I literally was in the airport cell phone lot right before I was picking him up and I just said like, if this is not happening and you show me, I will listen to you because I was stuck. I had been stuck for six years and my life was just mediocre and God showed me and I had. I did it and it was so devastating, but it honestly, my life has absolutely 100 percent changed for the better. I haven’t looked back. I sold my wedding ring a week later and check my five of my girlfriends on what I call it, the celebration closure Cabo trip, or use that money when I sold my ring to do that and we had a great time and it wasn’t about finding closure with him. It was finding closure with the person I had become when I was with him. I had lost all sense of who I was. So that was the important lesson. And I’m still learning right. You know, I got back into therapy after this happened and I’m still in therapy and just really finding out who I am again. And it takes awhile.

Kathy:                                  Yes. Well I’m really happy that you went on that trip with your girlfriend.

Megan:                               Well, and it’s funny because when we got divorced two years ago, I always tell my girlfriends, I said when I saw my ring, I’m taking the girls, you girls on a trip to Cabo and after he sent that email to me as like, okay girls. And I sold my ring a week later and we went at the end of June. So yeah, it was pretty awesome.

Kathy:                                  That is awesome and yeah, I recall you referring to your ex as the devil. Do you still say that?

Megan:                               It’s hard because I mean, yes, he is the devil. I mean there’s so many names for him and I do have to say though my heart hurts for him. I mean as a therapist and you know, a person that knows what struggle means. He has so many good qualities and I know it’s weird to hear me say that, but in my heart hurts for him that he is living this life where at the end of his life he’s going to have no one. Right. And, but he’s still. The devil can have both. I think you can still think he’s a devil and also have your heart hurt for him so.

Kathy:                                   Well, that’s very magnanimous of you, actually. Okay. So talking about unhealthy relationships and I see any negative feelings about ourselves. Can you describe like what do you mean when you say you are enough or you were at a time where you felt like you were not enough? So what do you mean by saying that you or enough?

Megan:                              I love this question because throughout my life I’ve always kind of felt that, right? Like I would just wasn’t enough growing up in an abusive home and, and again, my relationship with my parents have changed 100 percent. I love them. I, that is in the past, I don’t hold any blame or anything towards them, but growing up in a house like that, you know, you just have this low self esteem and then with my learning disability and I had a lot of unstable relationships with men in my adult life and career wise, professionally, I knew I was enough. I knew like I’ve been very successful in my career, but personally when it came to men I just felt like I wasn’t enough. And then with the affair, I mean, how can you think you’re enough when your husband has an affair for 14 months and then instead of going to therapy, I ended up getting a full time job, opening a private practice and starting my juice plus franchise.

Megan:                               I. Well if I’m busy, I’m good. I’m working through it, right? And, but I still struggled with the are enough thing and it was about three months after the divorce and I was really working on what I, what we call us, therapist cognitive restructuring. And so I was really trying to restructure my brain and use grounding skills and coping skills to whenever I had that thought to change it into something positive. And for me it’s visualization. So I actually went and got. I am enough tattooed on my collar bone. Oh Wow. Yeah. And so, um, that has kind of been a staple for me. And then when, like I say in the book, the Bandaid was ripped off and I was right back in that trauma again in February. I fell right back into the, I’m not good enough, how could he do this to me again?

Megan:                               And that’s when I got back into therapy and honestly working the five steps that I talk about in my book, having to rediscover myself, having to visualize a new passion and a purpose for me. Revisiting my coping skills to the point where I literally can say I am enough. And what it means is that I am enough for me and that’s all that matters. I get up in the morning as long as I’m kind and I stick to my three values of authenticity, honesty and integrity. I am enough for me and those people that love me unconditionally know that I’m enough and they’re going to be in my life and we’re going to just take care of one another. Right. And so for me, it was just so profound when I was able to say that and, and to, to write this book. It was so. Yes. And it’s been my motto for many years, which is funny because a lot of my friends know that that’s been my mantra. You are enough. And I’ve talked about it multiple times over the last couple of years about how I’m not enough. And they’re like, how can you be not enough? Yeah. That’s your mantra. So that I am enough thing is not something that just happened. It’s something that I’ve had in my heart forever, but I just struggled with it at different points in my life. Right. Yeah.

Kathy:                                  Well, you know, you have an interesting and kind of funny story about what made you finally commit to writing the book, if I remember correctly, you were having second thoughts and talking it over with your girlfriend and then you went to a restaurant and you sat next to somebody. A stranger. Yep. What happened?

Megan:                               so, so it’s always been on my bucket list to write a book. By the time I was 40 and I just turned 39 and I had already developed this five step system. So I was like, and everyone told me in my life you should write a book or your life should be on a lifetime movie. So I was like, wow, let’s just write a book. We don’t need it on TV. And I was going to touch base on, you know, obviously the divorce and all of that. And I had started writing the book about three weeks before all of this happened with him in February. And in February, the day he left, my friend who I mentioned in the book, Jacqueline actually flew in from Chicago because she was there for work and I was a mess and she dragged me out to dinner and we sat at the bar eating dinner and this older gentleman sat next to me and started talking to me and I what I like to call verbally vomited all over him.

Megan:                              And I was like, oh my goodness. And I’m like, I just started writing. This book is called you are enough. And how can I write this book when I don’t feel like enough? And I can’t remember word for word, but I know it’s in the book. He said, this is the time you have to write your book. You’re in the midst of it. You have to share your story. You have to be vulnerable because it’s going to change people’s lives. And three days, three days later is when I started writing the chapter called Mr. N. so I was literally right in the midst of it.

Kathy:                                  So it was like a little angel. Yeah.

Megan:                               And I don’t know his name because I, you know, I didn’t know it was going to be such a profound moment and I don’t know his name at all and I feel so bad because I would love to like see him again and be like, this is what you said and here’s my book. Thank you so much. You know?

Kathy:                                  Right. Well that’s a great story and I’m really glad that you went out to dinner and sat next to him because otherwise there might not be this book.

Megan:                               Thanks to my friend Jacqueline for like literally dragging me out. I didn’t want to go out.

Kathy:                                 Good job, Jacqueline. In your book you include your five step system and, and you mentioned that during this process of putting it in, you focused on three words to help you gain closure. Those three words, Release Your trauma. What do you mean by that?

Megan:                               It’s literally accepting that it happened. Doesn’t mean that you agree, doesn’t mean that you’re saying it’s okay that it happened. It’s accepting that it happened and not allowing that trauma to write your story. So for me, I was allowing my ex husband and everything he did to write the story of my life. I was living a mediocre life. I was unhappy. I was allowing him to abuse me. I felt like I wasn’t enough and it was releasing that trauma saying, this is no longer going to control me. He is not writing my story. I was able to release that trauma again.

Megan:                               It’s always going to be there. There’s going to be days where it affects me and there’s going to be days that it doesn’t and I accept that and acknowledge that, but I guarantee you that I have released it and that man no longer writes my story. And so that’s really what. When I wrote that, that’s what it was about is just releasing it and telling yourself that it’s okay. You know that yes it happened and yes it hurts, but it’s okay to move on and it’s okay to acknowledge that it happened. You don’t have to stay there.

Kathy:                                  Absolutely. I really resonated with these words that you wrote because also to me is that we don’t have to let our past trauma have power over ourselves today.

Megan:                               Yeah, I completely agree with you. [inaudible] the same thing. Like with my childhood, I could have let that, you know, scar me for life and instead I don’t know how I got to this point and you know, being a therapist, but for some reason I took it on as, no, I went through this and I want to help others. I want to share my story to help others, which is why I became a cps worker. Obviously I didn’t know that at the time, but like there’s something that led me to be a cps worker and that’s what it was, you know, dealing and removing kids from their homes. So yeah, I think I had done that release of that trauma years and years ago, but I didn’t have those three words to it and that just Kinda came to me when I was writing the book that that’s what I’m looking at is releasing the trauma and not letting it write my story.

Kathy:                                  not letting it write your story. I love that. Yeah. I just wanted to read something from your book that I felt was also important. You wrote, people need a foundation of happiness underneath them and happiness is a choice. People can choose to be miserable or they can choose to be happy. Nearly all of the clients I work with come with specific goals in mind, but they’re stuck because of their limiting beliefs and self sabotaging statements. First of all, I love that you say that happiness is a choice because I do believe that too. What would you say is the most common issue that your clients come to you for help?

Megan:                               Definitely the limiting self beliefs and telling themselves, I can’t do this. I’m not good enough. It’s literally the negative mindset.

Kathy:                                  the negative mindset. and so that’s what you’re all about, is helping people overcome that negative mindset, right?

Megan:                               Yeah.

Kathy:                                 So you mentioned in your book about purpose and passion, they go hand in hand. Yeah. If you don’t know your life purpose, your passion won’t be guided by conscience. So can you explain the difference between your purpose and your passion?

Megan:                              So that’s a good question. Your purpose really is what are you here for, right? Like what do you want your life to look like? What do you want to be remembered for? What legacy do you want to leave? And your passion is. So in the book I asked specific questions that help you figure out what your purpose is and then once you figure this out, how do you become passionate about your purpose to live a passionate and purposeful life? Because when we answer these questions in the book, you will find that what makes you feel like you have a purpose is also what’s going to make you feel passionate. Right? Yes. It’s, it’s, it’s an interesting process. You know, I’ve done it more than once and watching my clients do this as well, and just having this ability to visualize something outside of what they’re stuck in right now is just phenomena

Kathy:                                  So to take it a little step forward, just because you have a passion, if it’s not aligned with your purpose, you might not take it anywhere

Megan:                               and that’s. And people have asked me that too. You can still go there. So like, so for example, some people have a purpose of, you know, wanting a nine to five job, right? Either feel like they have to or that’s just their purpose, right? Like they have to go to work or that’s what they feel. But are you passionate about that? Do you get excited when you wake up in the morning and say, yes, I have to go to work today. Right? So that’s the difference is you can have purpose, you know, like my purpose for some people is to be a parent and also work full time. Does that make you passionate? And if it doesn’t, then keeping obviously being a parent and your nine to five, but then finding something else that you’re passionate about so that it’s not just this, I wake up, this is my life. All of the things that you have to do, you want to have something in your life that you want to do that makes you passionate, you know? So it could be volunteer work, it could be whatever it is, you know, joining a group or something like that, something that makes you passionate outside of whatever you feel like you have to do.

Kathy:                                  Right. Otherwise life gets really mundane doesn’t it?

Megan:                               And that’s what happened to me. I was, you know, working full time, had a private practice. My juice plus business. My life was mediocre. I had no passion. I had lost it, absolutely lost it and I had passion before, but I let you know I allowed the circumstance and the trauma and him to take away that passion.

Kathy:                                 And would you say that opening up your private practice and starting this five step process and this book brought all that passion back?

Megan:                               Oh my gosh. It has been absolutely amazing. I am so passionate about my life. Granted, it’s stressful. I’m not going to say that it’s, you know, sunshine and roses because it’s not, you know, I’m a human being. I still mess up. I still have bumps in the road. Last week I was so overwhelmed I was crying because just with the book. So I had to go to Mexico for 24 hours so that I didn’t have access to my phone. I literally my friends and when I was like, oh my gosh, Megan, you have to just take a break, you know, because I still get overwhelmed, but I get to wake up every morning and live a life where I know that I’m, I’m pretty sure I’m making a difference and that is my passion. I didn’t write the book to make a lot of money. I didn’t write the book to be a number one bestselling author.

Megan:                                I wrote the book because I wanted to share my journey to hopefully help inspire maybe one person to really look outside of where they’re at and start dreaming about a better life.

Kathy:                                  That’s wonderful Megan. Well thank you for writing the book. I think it’s a beautiful book.

Megan:                               Thank you so much for reading. I have to say your, you know that launch coming up. You’re one of the first ones I read it.

Kathy:                                  I feel honored.

Megan:                                Yes. So no, thank you so much. It’s. I’m very honored that you took the time to read it.

Kathy:                              Well, what I also love about your book is that in every chapter at the end of every chapter, you have questions and exercises for the readers and I thought one of them was a great question to ask you. How do you want to be remembered when you’re gone?

Megan:                               I love this question and honestly that’s one of my coping skills too, like when I’m feeling kind of low or I have these self limiting beliefs because believe me with the book being launched, I have those, those self doubts right now and I would just want to be remembered as a person who did everything possible to help people while also taking care of myself.

Megan:                               But that I went after a life that I always dreamed of and talking to my friends and things like that. It’s what I’m doing, you know, I have this bucket list and I want to do the things on my bucket list, you know, and I want to be remembered for going above and beyond for people and maybe making someone smile every day who might not have wanted to smile that day or just making a difference. That’s, that is what I want to be remembered for.

Kathy:                                  Well, I think you’re living it, Megan.

Megan:                               I try to. Again, I’m, I’m human, so I’m like definitely not perfect and I have my bad days, but that is my goal and that’s what I want to be remembered for.

Kathy:                                  That’s what makes it all better. That you are human. I’m curious, what’s, uh, what’s your next favorite thing on your bucket list? Just curious.

Megan:                                So. Well, the next thing like in my personal life is I turned 40 in a year. I mean I just turned 39, but um, me and my girlfriends are going to be planning a trip to Greece hopefully for my 40th birthday and careerwise my desire is to travel around the country and speak. I actually just got booked on the Jenny McCarthy show.

Kathy:                                  I read about that. Congratulations.

Megan:                               Yeah, I’m super excited about it, but you know, I want to share my story and I want to travel around the country and speak and meet amazing women and amazing men and, and just empower each other. And so that is on my bucket list career wise for, you know, hopefully the next year.

Megan:                               Well it sounds like you’re going to get it and have a great trip on your 40th birthday. That’s going to be awesome.

Megan:                               Thank you.

Kathy:                                  So winding down here, Megan, if someone is out there who may be going through something similar, perhaps what you went through or maybe they’re feeling that they are not enough, is there anything that you would like to tell them?

Megan:                               So at the end of the book, and this is kind of the phrase that I use that I kind of created that I use as the staple that I repeat to as many people as I see who come up to me and after I speak or something like that. And it’s just simply this, that you are enough just as you are in whatever season you’re in and the more you celebrate and focus on that, the more you will live in your strength.

Kathy:                                 The more you will live in your strength. Yeah. Wonderful. Thank you.

Megan:                              Yes.

Kathy:                                Megan, if anyone has questions for you, wants to reach out, how can they connect with you?

Megan:                               Definitely, um, so there’s a couple of ways obviously on social media, instagram or facebook, it’s just my name, Megan, and then also on my website it’s www.missionstrengthsd.com, and you can do a free 30 minute discovery call. I have a ton of resources you can download for free. A lot of my other podcasts are on there. My blog is on there, so there’s just lots of great ways to kind of get started on this journey and reach out to me. I mean, I would love, love to meet some of your audience members for sure.

Kathy:                                 Okay. So before we sign off, when are you doing the Jenny Mccarthy show?

Megan:                               September 10th. So she has a show on Sirius satellite radio, so it’s September 10th at 11, 20 eastern standard time.

Kathy:                                 Okay, good. Yeah, I mean, did you already record it or are you doing it live?

Megan:                               It’s live. It’s going to be live.

Kathy:                                 Oh Wow. Great. Well, we’re going to have all your links on our website and also your book. We’ll put that up to you and I just wanted to thank you so much Megan, for sharing your story, writing your book. It’s very empowering and for all that you do, really appreciate it.

Megan:                               Thank you so much for having me on the show. It’s truly an honor and I just, I appreciate you. Like I said, just taking time to read it. It means everything to me.

Kathy:                                  It was my honor. Thank you.

Kathy:                                 You’ve been listening to The Inspire Cafe Podcast. You’ll find the show@theinspirecafe.com, and also we’re on facebook, instagram, and twitter. If you’d like what you’re hearing, please subscribe and share with your friends. Until our next conversation. Thank you for listening.